The More Moms, the Better
Minneapolis mom Sarah Jane Wroblewski feels a responsibility to all children. Especially the siblings she and her partner, Kim, adopted 10 years ago, even after being told two moms weren't enough.
The Mommune explores the nuances of motherhood through intimate conversations with moms across the country. If you enjoy what you read, please tap the ❤️ button, restack, or share with someone you know. Now, on to this week’s mom…
MOM: Sarah Jane Wroblewski
JOB: Yoga Therapist
LOCATION: Minneapolis, Minnesota
“The social workers had the kids come over for an overnight before they moved in with us, and my daughter got a fever of 103. I held her in my arms and promised to always take care of her.”
I still think about those moms in Minneapolis standing watch in their neighborhoods to warn of ICE sightings, loading minivans with groceries for families afraid to leave their homes, ferrying other people’s children to school, accompanying immigrants to doctors’ appointments, marching in solidarity in negative 30-degree weather. Sarah Jane Wroblewski is one of those moms. A regular person, just like you and me, but someone who couldn’t sit back and watch what was happening in her community. For her, motherhood is a call to action. “I feel a responsibility to protect all kids from racism, discrimination, and physical harm.”
That conviction took root long before she met her own kids. Always clear from a young age that she would someday become a mom. The same way she knew that her partner, Kim, was “the one” shortly after the pair began dating. It wasn’t long before they decided to adopt children from foster care, oblivious that the process would take five years and cost them a lot of heartache. “There were a few times we thought we were going to get these kids. They were already ours in our minds. And then, at the last minute, nope,” Sarah Jane says. “In most cases, the social workers felt that if a child could have a mom and a dad, why wouldn’t they choose that? Aren’t two moms kind of second choice?”
Turns out that having two moms is not unlike winning the jackpot. Ten years ago, when Sarah Jane and Kim were finally paired with siblings, ages 3 and 2, they were asked what it would take to give the kids back. “We were like, why would we traumatize them that way?” she says. But the social workers needed to ask because the kids had had failed placements due to behaviors other families couldn’t handle. “We told them that if we encounter something we don’t know how to deal with, we will find resources to help us. And that’s what we’ve done ever since.”
The Mommune Q&A:
Tell me about those early days with your kids.
Sarah Jane: We called it the “Toddler Olympics” because we went from having this very adult life with our flexible travel schedules and a house filled with precious, breakable things to baby-proofing everything and having no more free time. So, that was a huge change.
What has surprised you most about this journey?
Sarah Jane: I was worried that we wouldn’t bond; that they wouldn’t love me the way you love a parent. But I felt connected to them immediately. The social workers had the kids come over for an overnight before they moved in with us, and my daughter got a fever of 103. I held her in my arms and promised to always take care of her. That was a powerful moment.
How did the ICE shootings in Minneapolis change who you are as a parent?
Sarah Jane: My partner, Kim, has several restaurants, so it hit close to home. We needed to get involved right away to make sure our people—most of them are Ecuadorean—were safe. I coordinated rides so that they wouldn’t have to drive or take public transportation to get to work. It was a big undertaking: about 40 riders every day, volunteers from our community, and me still driving eight times a day. My kids felt my absence, but I couldn’t look away.
“My son wanted to take matters into his own hands. He told me, ‘I think I’m going to put a sign on the corner that says ICE can’t hurt kids, but kids can hurt ICE, and I’m going to throw snowballs at them.’”
Did you bring them along for any of it?
Sarah Jane: We also organized groceries for families, and my kids came along for a lot of that. I would pick them up from school and we’d do our runs together. I wanted them to understand their privilege. Earlier in their lives, I wouldn’t have brought them into something like this because of their past. They’ve been through enough of their own hardships, but this felt like the right time. We are at a pivotal point in history, and I needed them to know that.
What effect did it have on them?
Sarah Jane: My son wanted to take matters into his own hands. He told me, “I think I’m going to put a sign on the corner that says ‘ICE can’t hurt kids, but kids can hurt ICE,’ and I’m going to throw snowballs at them whenever I see them drive by.”
What is your mom superpower, the one thing only you can provide?
Sarah Jane: When my kids get dysregulated, I am the one person who can bring them down. They can get pretty angry. They’ll say, “stay away from me,” “you don’t understand me,” and a lot of other words. But I know I can reach them.
How do you define self-care?
Sarah Jane: Spending time with my friends is the pinnacle of self-care. I would be nowhere without them. There’s never any shame. We all laugh at ourselves and each other. It’s a safe space where we can say anything. Most of them are moms and some live in my neighborhood. One of them was even in my pod during the pandemic. There was a summer our sons were babysitting the class turtle and they fed it a Lego. We ended up splitting a bill for $5,000 at the exotic pet vet to save the turtle’s life. After that, we can get through anything.
Mom Thread
IRL: Calling all Brooklyn moms! Join me for breakfast and conversation on May 7th to chat all things motherhood.
Worth a listen: One of my fave NPR podcasts, Code Switch, re-ran an episode that feels especially topical: Tradwives and the Pressure of Modern Motherhood.
Spice up your life: Melanie C (aka Sporty Spice) has a new album and advice for moms of teens: “The minute I…let go of expectations and listened to my instinct, the whole thing became more pleasurable.”
Thanks for being part of The Mommune. Say hi on Instagram, and let me know if there’s a mom you’d like to see in this newsletter. Take care!
I am in awe of people like Sarah Jane in Minneapolis. So grateful and inspired.